I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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