I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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