I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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