mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
