So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
