No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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