I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
