NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
