I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize