I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
