if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's always time for handjobs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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