God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
