we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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