dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
