Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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