Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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