He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
