life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
