I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
