the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize