this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
