Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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