i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
