I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just crazy horny about you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
