this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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