ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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