Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
