stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
