their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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