i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize