In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
