I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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