you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
