this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
