It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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