You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
