I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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