the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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