i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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