your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
