How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
