You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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