She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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