Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh god it's open bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize