8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
