He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
