i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
