why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
