Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
