She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
