im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Non-Jews are for practice
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just cropdusted the office
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
