Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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