brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
