All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
