a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
