Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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