I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
