I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
