i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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