So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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