Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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