hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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